Thank You For Reminding Me To Sin With A Grin

Four cigarettes and a bottle of vodka later and I've come to grips with the downward spiral that is my life.  Ok, maybe not grips, but I'm alright with it for now.  Until last night, I hadn't smoked a cigarette in almost six years.  And today I feel like my throat has fallen out my butt.  Karma's a bitch. 
I take the GRE test Friday, a test I need in order to apply for grad school.  I already took this test about four years ago, but I've been told that the scores are no longer admissible since it's been so long.  So, I have to go through the pointless process of standardized testing again just so a bunch of professors who think they're god's gift to education can sit around and deem me worthy to spend 20,000 dollars on another two years of school.  Shouldn't it be enough that I want to accomplish this goal?  That I want to spend two more years and a helluva lot of money furthering my degree?  I feel like my ambition should be enough, but who am I to argue?  I'll take the test, do well and hopefully be accepted to grad school by next fall.
I've never been one to apologize for the things I do, choices I make or opinions I have.  Yet, there are things in my life that I've wanted for a long time and I somehow convince myself that I don't deserve them.  I don't deserve to even try.  Grad school is one of those things, hence the reason it's taken me so long to actually buckle down and get the ball rolling.  Hopefully this is the start to breaking that cycle.
That crazy woman years ago was right, knowledge is my crutch.